“I do is an active state. It is a positive affirmation. I am in control, and I move forward, toward a goal or wish or desire. There is no fear. In terms of a relationship, everything is fine, all is calm. I am the good mother. I am generous and attentive – I am the one who gives, I am the one who provides. It is “I love you”, whatever happens.
The undo is the unraveling. The torment that things are not right and the anxiety of not knowing what to do. There can be total destruction in the attempt to find an answer or terrible violence degrading in depression. Facing the fear rising, you stays still. It is the sight from the bottom of the well. In terms of a relationship with others, there’s total denial and destruction. […] I am the bad mother. It the disappearance of the loved object. Guilt pushes towards deep desperation and passivity. You pull back in your own den to elaborate a strategy, to recover, to reorganize.
The redo means that a solution is found to the problem. It may not be the final answer, but there is an attempt to go forward. You get clearer in your thinking. You are active again. You have confidence again. In the relationship with the others, restoration and reconciliation have been achieved. Things are back to normal. There is hope and love again.”
(From L. Bourgeois, Destruction of the Father Reconstruction of the Father: Writings and Interviews 1923-1997)